Sorry for the quality of the picture.
Autumn asked for ONE thing for her birthday…..an ironing board and iron. (I don’t know where she comes up with these things) On Wednesday night a package arrived for her, from her God Mother and her face LIT UP! It was EXACTLY what she wanted!!!!
While at Tar-jay (Target) the other day, Isaiah asked for a fedora. I didn’t have the money for it that day, but a few days later when I picked him up from school there was an all black fedora waiting for him in the front seat! Love this kid!
Ever thought loosing someone wasn’t fair? Like HOW DARE GOD take that person away when he did! Is that a selfish thought? I don’t know, but I have thought it PLENTY of times before. Oddly enough I know 3 angels, born in January, that I don’t think I’ll ever understand why they were called home, what feels like to me, too soon.
Miguel Kenard Lewis (January 7, 1980)- Miguel, he was, he was LIFE to me. We met working at Blockbuster, although we kept it strictly professional at first, we seemed to be drawn to each other. Months later he captured my heart and I was carrying his son. We talked of marriage and being a family, my heart had never been so happy before he became a constant. Just as quickly as we had fallen in love, he was gone. And with him he took a chunk of heart. I had a dream once that the doorbell rang and it was him, I thought it cruel for God to allow me to have such a dream.
Ryan Rachal (January 5, 1983) I met Ryan when I moved on the block. We instantly became friends! He was like my brother. This boy was headed on a path to absolute greatness. Days before celebrating his departure to college, Ryan was killed in a motorcycle accident. This happened just months after Miguel died, I don’t know how i was able to get out of the bed when I got the call.
Enjae J. Rugley (January 5, 2008) I met this little boy once and it was enough to melt my heart! He was daring, strong, funny, adorable and amazing. All that wrapped up into a cute little package. And just as fast as he stole my heart, he was gone.
Life is not promised. I talked to Miguel just minutes before he was gone. I know that these 3 angels are up in Heaven looking down, watching and protecting and that gives me some comfort. But to be honest, I’d rather have them here, laughing, joking, talking, being, HERE, than any place else!
In my conversation with God today I expressed to Him that I felt abandoned and that although there is calm after the storm I feel like He has left me in the storm longer than I can take. My friends, my true friends, told me I still need to look to Him to change my situation and that maybe I need to change my relationship with God before anything else will change in my life. Being as stubborn as a mule, I felt like my relationship with God was fine, but obviously it is not. I read another blog today that although written in September REALLY hit home for me today! The solution to my problems, all of them, is and will always be Jesus.
“The lesson: We often find ourselves in quicksand because we ignore the warning signs. We use all our strength to get out, but can’t. Our inability to rescue ourselves leads to more and more frustration. God, however, is standing near holding His hand out and offering to pull us out and safely place us back on solid ground. Yet we look away, flail our arms, and sink even more. It is IMPOSSIBLE for us to solve our problems better than the Master can. He knows what is best for ALL involved, and He is able to thoroughly rectify problems in a way where there is nothing we can do but give Him the praise. He wants us to give our problems to Him and leave them there. As hard as it may be, you have to! We are His beloved. Trust that He will work it out every time.”
Yes this is the advice that I had been receiving, but it came this morning after “yelling” at God, apologizing and telling Him that I am listening. So I am letting go and letting GOD. Trusting that “this too shall pass” and the calm after the storm is closer than I realize!
There are sooo many fashion blogs, beauty bogs and celebrity blogs out there I thought I’d do something different. My blog will be about……..me. Not interested? Don’t read it.
When I was a kid I was always told to “just do it”. Cartwheels, double dutch, anything. I was told told repeatedly I can do anything if I “just do it”. NEVER SAY NEVER. Then one day it changed. I remeber telling my mom I wanted to be an R&B singer, like Ainta Baker or Patti Label. I had a beautiful voice, everyone told me I did and I knew it! My moms response was one I would never forget…”Do you know how many people out there can sing better than you?” It was an anvil on my dream. This was my mom, she must be right. I never sang in public again. I was 12. Now at 28 (soon to be 29) I have yet to follow or complete any dream since then. Most people would have used it as fuel for their fire, not me. I fiind myself dropping that same anvil on my dreams over and over again.
So here I am, 2 kids, a pending divorce, unemployed, enrolled in school, living with my parents. Everyday my light flickers and shines a little less.
justquianna 